Time Out! Devotions

No matter how hard I tried,

I struggled to feel God’s presence in my life…

By Suzanne S. Pluhar, Frankfort, Indiana

My practical nature served me well in running my own business, but when it came to my faith it was an impediment. I went to church every week. I read the Bible. I believed in God. Yet somehow I just didn’t feel him in my life. Certainly not the way my husband, Ed, and others I knew did. They didn’t need any tangible proof to trust God was always with them.

For a long time I struggled to find that same assurance. But it never seemed to come, no matter how I worked at it. Maybe I’m not meant to believe the way God wants us to, I thought dispiritedly. I used to enjoy the quiet Sunday-morning fellowship at church. Now going to services began to make me uncomfortable. Worshiping among people of “true” faith, I felt a little like I didn’t belong.

I confided my doubts to my husband. Even his encouragement didn’t soothe me. Lord, I know you’re there, I kept praying, but I just don’t feel your presence like I should.

At church one Sunday the pastor spoke about Thomas, the doubting apostle. I paid particular attention because I could identify with Thomas. He too needed tangible proof of Christ’s presence. What would it take for me?

Halfway through the sermon I felt a firm, comforting hand on my shoulder. I looked at my husband, grateful for his understanding. Then I saw his hands folded in his lap. I turned to the man on my right. He was holding a hymnal.

Puzzled, I glanced at the people in the pew behind me. They were all sitting back; not one of them was touching me. But the gentle pressure remained on my shoulder. Warmth enveloped my entire body and I felt strangely reassured.

Then I heard the pastor reciting words from the Book of John: “Do not doubt but believe.” Suddenly I knew whose hand was on my shoulder.

(from Mysterious Ways on Guideposts.com)